During my fertility journey, pregnancy announcements never really triggered me. I always took the news thinking I didn’t know the whole background story and that on social media people usually share the good stuff only but not the whole picture. I also kept reminding myself that everyone’s journey was different and mine isn’t comparable to anyone’s else. This is their life and this is ours.
After two years…
After almost two years into being on the fertility journey, I was at a point when things became really hard for me. You know how it is, there are bright moments but also many dark ones. And I was in the period of many dark ones. Every menstruation started to feel like the end of the world and it was getting harder and harder to pick myself up and feel positive about the next cycle. I was starting to lose hope. Or better to say, I thought I had no hope left.
When the news hit
That’s when the news hit. A friend of mine from childhood announced on Facebook the birth of her second baby. We were good friends when we were kids and still kept in touch during high school and part of university. When I moved abroad we slowly started drifting apart until we were barely in touch. Since we were kids, throughout elementary school, high school and university she was saying that having a kid was not for her and the idea of something growing inside of her scared or even disgusted her. So her first child came a bit as a surprise to me, but I wasn’t giving it much thought back then.
I hit rock bottom on my fertility journey
With the second one something in me shifted. I suddenly remembered all the talks about how she would never have babies and now she had a second one, while there I was, struggling to have even one, even though since I was a teenager I was dreaming of having three. Reading the news on social media paralyzed me. As if lightning had struck me. I then went to the bathroom only to find out my period had arrived. What a timing. This combo knocked me down and I was sitting there on the bathroom floor, crying my eyes off. I couldn’t feel more helpless.
Slowly getting hopeful again
After a while I picked myself up. Not literally for a while, but of course I didn’t start living on the bathroom floor, but I mean I gathered all my strength and kept going. I knew I hit rock bottom on my fertility journey and from that point there was only way up. It was time to dig the remaining hope that was buried deep down in me (I wasn’t even sure it was still there) out and started believing again that I could have this baby. I came back to meditation, positive affirmations and slowly started believing again. What I realized was that not having hope wouldn’t protect me from a heartbreak. So why not to believe instead?
If you are at this point on your fertility journey, I feel you. It was in this period when I filmed a meditation for my YT channel to help not only others in the same situation, but I was trying to help myself as well. For this reason I also created “Colouring Fertility Affirmation Cards” for each stage of your cycle, so you feel supported throughout your cycle on your fertility journey.
I hope this meditation and cards will bring you some ease, and also know that you are not alone in this. 💕 If you need further support on your journey, reach out! I’m here to help.
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